Matthew 6:12 (ESV) “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
Let me guess. Somewhere in your life there’s a person you know you’re supposed to forgive, and you can’t. Or you won’t. And underneath your reason, if you dug down to it, is this: *forgiving them would be like saying what they did was okay. And it wasn’t okay. So how could I?*
I lived in that exact spot for a long time. And I couldn’t move out of it until someone showed me that I had the word wrong the whole time.
We hear “forgive” and we think it means *pardon.* Excuse. Let off the hook. Pretend it didn’t matter. And when what happened truly mattered, when it wounded you, or worse, wounded someone you love, everything in you rightly refuses to call it fine. So if forgiveness meant pardon, you’d be right to refuse. I would too.
But that isn’t what the word means.
The Greek word Jesus uses is *aphiēmi.* And it doesn’t mean pardon. It means *to release. To let go. To send away.* It’s the ordinary word for setting something down and walking away from it. Look at how the Lord’s Prayer actually reads: *forgive us our debts.* Forgiveness is releasing a debt. Not pretending the debt was never real, but taking your hands off of it.
That one word changed everything for me. Because here’s what I finally understood:
**I am not pardoning. I am releasing.**
The wrong stays wrong. The debt stays real. My hands just come open.
“But if I let go,” I used to think, “then they just get away with it.” No. Releasing a debt doesn’t mean it goes uncollected. It means it stops being *yours* to collect, because you were never able to anyway, and it’s poisoning you to keep trying. You hand it to God, who is a more just and righteous Judge than you or I could ever be. The debt isn’t dropped. It’s transferred to the only One qualified to settle it.
And here’s the part that finally set me free. When you refuse to release a debt, you think you’re holding *them* captive. You’re not. You’re the one in the cell. The bitterness never touches the person who hurt you; they’re usually out living their life, not thinking of you at all. It lives in *your* chest. It takes up space in *your* head.
So releasing them was never about being generous to them.
It was the cell door opening for me.
That’s what forgiveness actually is. Not saying it was okay. Not letting them back in to hurt you again. Just opening your hands, handing the weight to God, and walking out of a prison you didn’t realize you were the only one still sitting in.
If there’s a name that came to mind while you read this, you don’t have to sit across from them to do this. You don’t need their apology. You can do it today, right now, in prayer. Release them to God, and let Him carry what you were never meant to hold.
*Is there someone you’re finding it hard to forgive? You don’t have to name them. But I’d love to pray for you as you work toward setting that weight down. Comment below and I’ll add you to my prayer list this week.*